Madonna just won’t go away. The former “Queen of Pop” released a naughty coronavirus video on Instagram yesterday.
The naked 61-year-old called the virus “the great equalizer” from her fancy bathtub strewn with rose petals. The only thing “equal” about us is that we all have the ability to create cringe-worthy content.
No one can deny Madonna’s success as an artist. According to the Guinness World Records, she’s the best selling female artist of all-time. She’s proven herself time and time again. I don’t know what she’s trying to accomplish with this hack video.
As she sits in her expensive bathtub with an eerie piano playing in the background, Madonna regurgitates information we’ve already heard before. A Colombian journalist penned an article just a week earlier calling coronavirus “humanity’s great equalizer.”
That’s the thing about COVID-19. It doesn’t care how rich you are. How famous you are. How funny you are. How smart you are. Where you live. How old you are. What amazing stories you can tell. It’s the great equalizer.
The coronavirus can infect anyone? Yep, we know. It doesn’t care how funny you are? Sure. It doesn’t care how old you are? Wait. I don’t know if you’ve heard, Madonna, but it doesn’t seem to treat all ages equally.
Luckily for you Madonna, it doesn’t care how cringeworthy your videos are.
Let’s go back to 2003. Madonna is still releasing top albums, but now they’re staying on top for one week, as opposed to nine weeks like the Immaculate Collection in 1990.
New female pop sensations like Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera have undeniably left her in the dust. So what’s Madonna do? Kiss them both on the mouth on live TV. Boom. Madonna’s back.
Is this another shameless attempt by Madonna to sexualize whatever is trending at the moment? Why are you naked in a bathtub? You’re 61, it’s no longer a selling point. I can’t wait to see an 85-year-old Madonna strip-teasing the first sentient robot.
That’s not to say she doesn’t look great for her age. She does. She looks suspiciously younger and puffier than years ago. No judgement, do your thing. But she’s no longer Madonna, sex icon. It’s certainly not sexy enough to overcome this nauseating video.
Madonna ends her video by saying:
We’re all in the same boat, and if the ship goes down, we’re all going down together.
We’re having a mighty difficult time just getting tested for coronavirus. Meanwhile, whole NBA teams are getting that sweet swab up the nose whenever they feel a sniffle.
We appreciate everything you’ve done, Madonna. You’re an all-time great. But please, put your clothes on and stop trying to recapture the 90s. The last thing we need right now is another out of touch celebrity.
If you really want to be one of us, lose the rose petals, move into a one-bedroom apartment, and start freaking out because you don’t have access to healthcare.