Kylie Jenner has run into legal opposition as she schemes to trademark the entire English language. Okay, maybe she’s not taking it that far. But she is taking it to absurd levels.
The youngest sibling of the Jenner-Kardashian reality television dynasty has already filed for trademarks on “Kylie Body” and “Kylie Body by Kylie Jenner.”
She’s also secured the rights to “Kybow,” “Kyliner,” “Kylie Baby,” “Kylie Museum,” “Kylie Kon,” “Glitter Eyes,” and “Lip Kit.”
Kylie Jenner is defending every stray permutation of her name she can think of with all the vigor of Oracle challenging Google in the Supreme Court for using APIs its software engineers wrote.
This is copyright law and celebrity narcissism run amok.
Glitter eyes and lip kit? Those are just basic descriptions of cosmetics. How can Kylie Jenner legitimately claim to own the right to glitter eyes? David Bowie already had glitter eyes locked down in the 70s. If anything, they should award him glitter eyes posthumously.
Has she gone mad?
And it’s a mystery how she got “Kylie Kon.” That’s trespassing all over Marie Kondo’s turf. KonMari should lawyer up and declutter Jenner’s trademark portfolio.
Is the trademark office now handing them out to anyone who calls dibs? I’m no lawyer, but I think Kylie Jenner should actually have a museum before she can trademark “Kylie Museum.”
As for “Kybow,” Billy Blanks should sue her for stepping on “Tae Bo.” Unless she uses that for a super cool bow and arrow instead of a workout tape, in which case the Hunger Games should consult their legal team while we’re all getting litigious.
And trademarking “Kylie Baby” is just greedy. She’s not the only Kylie who has a baby, or the only Kylie who was once a baby. There are lots of baby Kylies out there. Can’t they profit from their own name and stage of human development?
No word yet on whether Jenner is considering trademarking Kylo Ren, Cobra Ky, Let’s Go Fly A Kyte, Kylie Fried Chicken, or KyJelly (The “y” is lowercase, so it’s totally different – and it’s an organic avocado jelly facial mask. It won’t confuse anyone).
Even though Kylie Jenner is pushing trademark law to the point of absurdity, she should win one dispute. Some shady trademark-squatting clothing company, Business Moves Consulting, is challenging her application to trademark “Stormi Couture.”
They’re even more ridiculous than Kylie is.
Let’s lay aside the fact that Stormi is a crazy thing to name your baby. That is Kylie’s baby’s name, and she should be the one profiting from baby fashion under the “Stormi” brand.
Business Moves is obviously trying to trick consumers into thinking they have a partnership with Kylie Jenner to sell clothing named after her baby. Trademark law specifically exists to prevent this sort of thing from happening.
Any judge capable of exercising good judgment can see how transparently exploitative Business Moves is being. They trademarked “Stormi Couture” about a month after Jenner’s baby was born.
They also sold clothing with DJ Khaled’s son’s name, Asahd, on it. There’s no way these are coincidences. They’re blatantly using someone else’s celebrity and fame to sell their clothes.
So I’m rooting for Kylie on this one. But she’s got to cool it with the trademarking rampage.
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect the views of CCN.com.
This article was edited by Josiah Wilmoth.