Lady Gaga is trending worldwide as fans go wild in anticipation of her new album. What a bunch of posers. If they actually bought her music as hard as they tweet, her album sales wouldn’t have crashed with every new release since her debut, “The Fame.”
We all know Lady Gaga got famous by cribbing Madonna’s music and brand. (“Born This Way” was a shameless ripoff of “Express Yourself.”)
But Stefani hasn’t been so successful at copying the part where Madonna was actually relevant for two decades. She hasn’t even managed to stay relevant for one.
(I guess Picasso did say, “Good artists copy; great artists steal.” But then again, he was just as faux-weird and pseudo-intellectual as Lady Gaga.)
Madonna’s album sales skyrocketed for two releases after her first album in 1983. And more than 20 years after her debut, Madonna sold as many copies of “Confessions on a Dance Floor” (2005) as all four of Gaga’s releases since “The Fame” combined.
Lady Gaga’s first album was aptly named. Because it’s the most famous she would ever be. She sold 15 million copies worldwide. Three years later, “Born This Way” dropped to 6 million in sales. Then “Artpop” crashed to 2.5 million in 2013.
Gaga’s never recovered. She hasn’t sold more than a million albums in her two following releases.
Even getting the insanely valuable free advertising of performing the Super Bowl in 2017 wasn’t enough to push “Joanna” sales through the million-album ceiling.
“Mother monster” (as she’s called by the “fans” that don’t actually buy her music) is just too weird. And her music is just too plain, unoriginal, and boring.
Lady Gaga’s latest offering will be her first solo album in four years. The hashtag #LadyGagaIsComing has been snowballing at a feverish rate of 2,000 new tweets an hour since Tuesday evening, after news broke that she’s announcing new music and tour plans.
Apparently, some hackers forced Stefani’s hand by leaking song titles and a demo of the single, “Stupid Love” ahead of schedule. They found the song title and audio buried on Lady Gaga’s official website.
“Stupid Love” features a pulsating synth beat and powerhouse vocals from Gaga that are reminiscent of something you’d find on Born This Way.
Oh, great. More forgettable melodies sung in metallic, soulless auto-tuned “perfection” to a droning, mind-numbing disco beat. While monster-lady rips off the dance from Thriller.
And 99 of them definitely won’t buy Lady Gaga’s new album.
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Last modified: January 29, 2020 9:42 PM UTC