Mother’s Day Is Not A Happy Day For Those With Toxic Mothers

May 10, 2020 5:35 PM UTC
For many, Mother's Day is a happy day. For many more, however, it's a reminder that their mother is toxic, a narcissist, or an addict.
  • Mother’s Day is, traditionally, a happy day.
  • That’s because “mother” is synonymous with “loving, kind, and supportive.”
  • For many, however, “mother” is synonymous with “toxic, narcissist, and addict.”

Today is Mother’s Day.

It’s a day to celebrate women typically seen in a loving, positive light.

For many people, their mother is their first love. She is the woman who stays at the ready with Band-Aids for boo-boos, kisses for broken hearts, and hugs for special days.

And that’s wonderful.

But for many more, their mother is not a source of stability and love.

For many more, their mother is their first lesson in the unfairness of life, the cruelty of humanity, and the subsequent cynicism that follows into their adulthood.

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Mother’s Day And The Mother Wound

For those who don’t have great relationships with their mothers — who suffer from anything ranging from estrangement to complete detachment — Mother’s Day is a reminder that the so-called “mother wound” exists.

Clinical psychologists define the “mother wound” as the overall effects of having an emotionally absent mother. And what’s more, a “mother wound” doesn’t mean your mother wasn’t physically around. For many who suffer from the mother wound, their mother was physically present but absent in every other meaningful way.

There are a variety of reasons why adult children suffer from the mother wound. For some, their mothers are repeating a bad pattern from their childhood. For others, their mothers are suffering from addiction or mental illness. And for others more, their mothers are merely toxic narcissists who have no desire for a relationship with their children outside of their own needs.

Whatever the reason for her not being there, though, those with mother wounds don’t exactly love Mother’s Day.

And how can you blame them?

How Can You Get Through Today?

So what do you do when Mother’s Day comes around, and you have to face the reality that your mother failed you?

Well, there are a few things you can do.

Those who have a relationship — however strained — with their mother can remind her that today’s her “special day.” They can take steps to ensure that their interactions with their difficult mother are minimal and topical. And they can take their own space when needed, especially if it diffuses a particularly volatile situation.

For those that don’t have a relationship with their mother, they need reminding that the alienation isn’t their fault. They need assurance that they’re wonderful just the way they are.

And they need to remember that they’re far from alone in thinking that “Mother’s Day” is just a nonsense holiday.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect the views of CCN.com.

Aaron Weaver edited this article for CCN.com. If you see a breach of our Code of Ethics or find a factual, spelling, or grammar error, please contact us.

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Bernadette Giacomazzo is an editor, writer, and photographer whose work has appeared in Teen Vogue, People, Us Weekly, The Source, XXL, HipHopDX, The Los Angeles Times, The New York Post, BET.com, and more. She is also the author of The Uprising series and is the CEO of the acclaimed G-Force Marketing & Publicity firm, which has been featured in The Hollywood Reporter and has scored film, television, radio, and print placements for celebrity clientele worldwide. Reach her via email: bgbusiness@bernadettegiacomazzo.com. Visit her website here, her MuckRack profile here, or her LinkedIn profile here.