The Trump impeachment trial is, without a doubt, the most boring one in history.
Richard Nixon’s impeachment proceedings were so exciting, he had to preemptively resign. They were exciting because the charges were substantive. They carried actual weight. It was a real scandal.
But the biggest stories to come out of Trump’s impeachment trial are:
That’s no exaggeration. CNN’s top impeachment trial story on Thursday morning was “Senators spill the story on milk at the impeachment trial.”
It’s complete with what appears to be a photoshopped image of Mitch McConnell donning a milk mustache. How dare he?
Here are the riveting details:
Arkansas Sen. Tom Cotton, a Republican, was seen downing two glasses at his desk, in between bites of chocolate. Directly across from Cotton’s desk North Carolina GOP Sen. Richard Burr was sipping from his own glass of milk… There was some talk that Sen. Elizabeth Warren had ordered a glass of milk…
We’re in the middle of an official impeachment of a sitting U.S. president. And the top story the media has to tell about it is some of the senators are drinking milk. Clearly, just because something’s official, that doesn’t make it relevant nor important.
No wonder Sen. Rand Paul flashed a note that said “S.O.S.” as Rep. Adam Schiff made his opening arguments. Then the Kentucky senator displayed another that said:
THESE R NOT MY PARENTS!
PLEASE HELP ME!
Paul then proceeded to work on a crossword puzzle and make a paper airplane. Even the Washington Post, no friend to Donald Trump in the press, had to admit:
In fairness, the proceedings were lengthy, and tedious.
Impeachment hawks may object to this behavior as disrespectful and undignified. But that makes Paul’s point for him.
If the charges against Donald Trump were any level of serious, this kind of reaction from senators would be politically risky. But the Trump impeachment trial doesn’t pass the straight-face test.
On Tuesday, the trending impeachment trial story was that at least seven senators were wearing Apple Watches. These renegades were bending the Senate leadership’s rules prohibiting cell phones during the trial. Maybe Democrats will impeach them.
worrying too much about details that are minor or not important
Roberts hearkened back to a time when just using the word “pettifogging” was considered too uncivil in the Senate gallery:
In the 1905 Swayne trial, a senator objected when one of the managers used the word ‘pettifogging’ and the presiding officer said the word ought not to have been used. I don’t think we need to aspire to that high of a standard, but I do think those addressing the Senate should remember where they are.
But “pettifogging” is precisely what this entire impeachment trial is. Watching it is about as exciting as watching paint dry, or grass grow, or a glacier move.
But I bet Donald Trump’s State of the Union Address on Feb 4th is going to be fire.
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect the views of CCN.com.
This article was edited by Josiah Wilmoth.