By CCN: With all the actual problems facing the modern world, one intergalactic crisis you probably didn’t expect to hear a US senator sounding the alarm about is the horde of space pirates terrorizing the Milky Way. Yet Sen. Ted Cruz – formerly “Lyin’ Ted” and now Trump’s best pal – says he is genuinely, deeply, worried about the need for a Space Force. Maybe he has a point, though, as SpaceX founder Elon Musk has already hoisted the Jolly Roger.
Obviously, there isn’t any money for a Space Force. Nor is there currently a credible need for the US government to send soldiers into space to fend off pirates. What are they going to steal? Compressed spaghetti bolognese and moon rocks?
If anyone knows the difficulty of merely getting un-manned satellites into the right position, it’s Elon Musk. SpaceX is at the absolute cutting edge of space travel, and the last thing they are worried about is a Moonraker-style abduction of their heavy rockets.
There is so much debris hanging outside our atmosphere that just avoiding it pushes even the most advanced space programs to their limits.
Contrary to Trump’s fears of “Space ISIS,” our solar system is currently one of the last places we have where there isn’t conflict. We probably don’t even have the technology to start one. You can only use nuclear or kinetic weapons, and they would destroy your own assets as quickly as they would everything else.
What has piqued Elon Musk’s interest is the title of “Space Pirate.” The self-invented Twitter “meme-lord” can probably think of nothing more exciting than running his inter-galactic smuggling ring out of Mars. Think Han Solo with a more confused accent.
This is all terrific fun, and the Tesla boss joining in the ridicule of Ted Cruz makes it even better. It is depressing, however, to think that a powerful elected official is either this obtuse or this manipulative to peddle such patently absurd ideas.
Maybe Elon Musk should complete his evolution into a full-on Bond villain and change SpaceX’s logo to a skull and crossbones. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Cue the pirate memes.
Disclaimer: The views expressed in the article are solely those of the author and do not represent those of, nor should they be attributed to, CCN.
This article was edited by Josiah Wilmoth.