Posted in: Op-edEntertainment
Published:
May 1, 2020 11:10 PM

Alex Jones Makes A Modest Proposal in Cannibalistic Meltdown

Think Rand Paul has a rough neighbor? Alex Jones says he's been thinking a lot lately about how he would slaughter and eat his neighbors.
  • Alex Jones just shocked the Internet with another crazy rant.
  • This time he says he’ll eat his neighbors if he runs out of food.
  • He also has a message for the tainted globalist establishment…

Think you’re having a tough time in isolation with the coronavirus lockdowns? Alex Jones just threatened to eat his neighbors Friday if he runs out of food.

He says he’s been thinking about it a lot lately.

In a meandering rant about coronavirus, the much-reviled talk radio host said he’s prepared to eat his neighbors if society goes full “Mad Max” into an apocalypse:

I’ll admit it. I will eat my neighbors. I’m not letting my kids die. I’m just going to be honest. My superpower is being honest. I’ve extrapolated this out and I won’t have to for a few years because I’ve got food and stuff.

Alex Jones: “I’ll Eat My Neighbors”

Alex Jones also graphically described how he’d do it:

But I’m literally looking at my neighbors now and going, ‘Am I ready to hang them up and gut ’em and skin ’em and chop ’em up?’ You know what, I’m ready. My daughters aren’t starving to death. I’ll eat my neighbors.

And you thought Rand Paul had a menacing neighbor.

See, my superpower is being honest. I’ll eat your ass. I will. I’m combat model, optimum self-sufficiency, probably the leader. The point is, have you thought about that yet? Because I’m somebody that thought I could fix this and I’m starting to think about having to eat my neighbors.

Source: Twitter

As usual, Alex Jones has a message for “the globalists,” his catch-all term for the people he and his audience are fighting against. In a statement of defiance to the tainted establishment, Jones wants the globalists to know, “I will eat your ass first.”

You think I like sizing up my neighbor? How I’m going to haul him up by a chain and chop his ass up? I’ll do it! My children aren’t going hungry. I will eat your ass! And that’s what I want the globalists to know: I will eat your ass first.

The question his neighbors — who are probably feverishly checking Zillow right now — want to know the answer to is whether Jones’ rant is serious or satire.

A Modest Proposal

Who wants to have a BBQ at Alex Jones’ place? | Source: Twitter

It’s amazing that Jones says he would eat his neighbors because I think we can all tell that he wouldn’t touch a vegetable even if he were starving.

While most laughed at the cannibalism — and unfortunate phrasing — in Alex Jones’ latest crazy rant, some took it very seriously as a threat to his neighbors and kids.

A National Observer reporter said:

Alex Jones is talking about eating his neighbors and he isn’t the only one thinking this way. Some far-right extremists see this pandemic as their opportunity to accelerate the destruction of our society — and if you’re not on their side, their plans for you are… not good.

Alex Jones’ ex-wife said she’s afraid he’ll really feed the human flesh of his neighbors to their three kids to keep them alive if society collapses into anarchy and critical food shortages:

Source: Twitter

During their divorce hearing, his lawyer already told the family court that when Alex Jones is on the air, he’s “a performance artist” who’s “playing a character.”

That must have been tough, for Jones — who’s played the character straight for years — to divulge to the public.

But his latest viral rant is undoubtedly a satire after the manner of Jonathan Swift, who caused a scandal in 1729 with “A Modest Proposal” for poor Irish to sell their babies for aristocrats to eat. He aimed to induce the reader to detest the speaker and take pity on the plight of the Irish. Well, Alex Jones is certainly detestable.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect the views of CCN.com.

This article was edited by Aaron Weaver.

W. E. Messamore @thehuli

Markets Contributor for CCN living in Nashville, Tennessee. Bachelor of Business Administration from Belmont University in 2009 (majored in Entrepreneurship). Organized Senator Rand Paul's first and second online fundraisers in 2009. Correctly predicted the bitcoin bull market of 2019. Roving editor for the Independent Voter Network since 2013. Email me | Follow Me on Twitter (followed by: fmr Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX), Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY), fmr NM Gov. Gary Johnson, and Rep. Thomas Massie (R-KY))