Vanilla Ice Risks Spreading Virus Just to Remain Relevant

• Vanilla Ice has agreed to perform at a concert in Texas, proving he’s so desperate for work and publicity he’s willing to spread Covid-19.
• The “rapper” hasn’t addressed the risks posed by his concert, preferring to focus on resuscitating his career.
• The concert comes at a time when Texas is now seeing over 8,000 new coronavirus cases per day.

Vanilla Ice will headline a Fourth of July concert in Texas, which is battling a steep rise in virus infections.

Yes, the “rapper” is so desperate for work and publicity that he’d risk spreading the virus among thousands of people. This can be the only explanation for his agreement to perform at a time when Texas is facing over 8,000 new virus cases per day. Holding a concert in the Lone Star State sounds like a death wish.

Still, Vanilla Ice is so talentless that, once the coronavirus pandemic is over, we’ll all certainly forget him once again. We hope.

Vanilla Ice Is Too Cool For Covid-19

Quick history lesson: Vanilla Ice was a terrible rap “star.” Somehow, he became notorious in the early nineties, on the back of radios torturing the American public by playing “Ice Ice Baby” repeatedly.

Now he’s back, at least if you happen to live in Texas. On the Fourth of July, he will “perform” at the Emerald Point Bar & Grill. He will be the headliner at the Independence Day Throwback Beach Party, along with “hip-hop doo-wop” group Color Me Badd.

With Covid-19 rampaging through Texas, this event should be called the Independence Day Throw-Up Beach Party. Even if it took Texas a while to get there, the virus is infecting the state with a vengeance.

In the face of this surge, Texas Governor Greg Abbott paused further phases of the state’s reopening plan a week ago. He didn’t roll back already completed phases, though, leaving reopened restaurants and businesses still open.

This is why Vanilla Ice can still commit crimes against music on Saturday. He’s “performing” at a restaurant that doesn’t face restrictions, unlike real concert venues.

Still, the virus surge occurred under the current phase of the reopening. It’s likely to continue, especially if 2,500 insane people congregate to watch Vanilla Ice.

Ice Is Excited

Yeah, so the situation looks grim. The positivity rate for Covid-19 tests in the Austin metro area is currently 28%. If you go to the Vanilla Ice concert on the Fourth of July, you have a high chance of catching the disease.

Vanilla Ice is gagging so hard for attention that he hasn’t let this inconvenient truth faze him.

“I can’t wait to get back to this,” he wrote on Instagram. By “this,” we can only assume he meant an intensive care bed.

“We didn’t have coronavirus,” he also wrote, referring to the nineties. He thinks that, by performing at a nineties concert, he’s traveling back in time. So in his deranged world, he’s not putting anyone at risk.

Unsurprisingly, more than a few people on the internet have made fun of the very idea of a Vanilla Ice concert in 2020.

Some people pointed out that Vanilla Ice’s fans (assuming he has some) may belong to “at-risk” groups.

In all seriousness, it will be interesting to see if anyone turns up to the concert on Saturday. Then again, we’re talking about Texas here, so no doubt some people will.

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Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect the views of CCN.com.

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