Twitter is Losing its S%# Over This $4 Million Golden Toilet

Journalist:
September 15, 2019

Golden toilets don’t come around very often, so when they go missing, people talk about it. Italian artist Maurizio Cattelan built the toilet he calls “America.” In true American fashion, somebody stole it. If that wasn’t American enough, it’s now trending on Twitter.

The toilet lived in Blenheim Palace, the birthplace of Winston Churchhill. Attendees could book three minutes of private time with the 18-karat gold commode. That time is valuable as the toilet is reportedly worth around $4 million. Early this morning, burglars ripped the toilet from the wall, causing “significant flooding.” While it’s difficult to find compassion for anyone who loses a golden toilet, it’s pretty easy to appreciate the humor.

Hilarious Reactions

Twitter was in rare form this Saturday. Users from around the world were trying to break the internet with their hot takes on the lavish potty. Some of them were hilarious. Tweeter @carlinspace made cnn.com look silly with his interpretation of their headline.

People loved their “nothing to go on” jokes:

But not quite as much as they loved their “flush” puns:

One suspect kept coming up:

And his son:

British author Neil Gaman tried to remove himself from the suspect list:

Whoever smelt it dealt it, Neil.

Suspect in Custody

While the golden toilet is still missing, police have one suspect in custody. Detectives arrested and questioned a 66-year-old man believed to be part of the two-vehicle operation. Cattelan told the New York Times,

“I want to be positive and think the robbery is a kind of Robin Hood-inspired action.”

If nothing else, perhaps this can settle the debate on whether bitcoin is a better store of value than gold. Nobody has ever stolen a toilet made out of digital currency.

Aaron Weaver @AaronWe48343962

Aaron has been a professional writer for over 10 years. After graduating with honors from Western Michigan University, he's written extensively for newspapers, websites, and various comedy shows and web series. Writing: @AaronWe48343962 email: a.weaver7@gmail.com