BTS, the world's cringiest k-pop band, was forced to livestream its global press conference on YouTube following the coronavirus threat. We should all be grateful that at least one plague has been contained.
One of the most disastrous plagues to come out of eastern Asia has been stopped in its tracks by the coronavirus. BTS, the world’s cringiest k-pop troupe, was forced to livestream its global press conference via YouTube, following the coronavirus threat.
According to a press release from Big Hit Entertainment—management for the k-pop phenomenon—a global press conference to celebrate the release of BTS’s new album has been relegated to a YouTube Livestream. The announcement, issued February 24, reads:
“Due to the spread of coronavirus, Big Hit has decided to proceed with the ‘BTS Global Press Conference’ via YouTube Livestream only, without inviting the press onsite, as a measure to mitigate the risks.”
Bit Hit heeded the advice of the South Korean government, echoing the policy to refrain from holding events “with a massive number of participants.”
Instead, BTS held the press conference in a room as empty as their musical repertoire.
Here’s a video of the boys, who—without the shrieks of a thousand adoring fans—emit the charisma of 7 soggy towels.
For those of you not wishing to waste an hour of your life, I can summarize their livestream as follows:
The BTS boys take turns meekly shouting out their new album before answering pre-vetted questions from the global press.
They then talk about the album, which—apart from a few love songs—details the hardships of becoming a multi-million dollar boyband.
The press conference promoted the band’s latest release: ‘Map of the Soul: 7.’
The album—unlike its name suggests—is a rather soulless, self-aggrandizing example of everything wrong with modern music. It quite literally stuffs every popular genre of music into a 74-minute menagerie of love songs, interlaced with the boys occasionally patting themselves on the back for “making it.”
The album exudes the corporate message of ‘love sells,’ and targets an ambiguous demographic with its mind-numbingly vague lyrics. Here’s just one example from the song “Boy With Luv.”
“How’s your day
Oh tell me (oh yah oh yah, oh yah oh yah)
Oh text me (oh yah oh yah, oh yah oh yah)”
Map of the Soul: 7 sounds like it was taking a cue from Bo Burham’s satirical take on every pop song ever.
Within ‘Repeat stuff,’ a seminal caricature of modern pop, Burnham aptly dismantles corporately controlled pop music.
Oh girl, I hope you don’t think that I’m rude
When I tell you that I love you boo
I also hope that you don’t see through
This cleverly constructed ruse
Designed by a marketing team
Cashing in on puberty and low self-esteem
And girls’ desperate need to feel loved
Now for a side-by-side comparison with lyrics from BTS’ “Inner Child.”
If I touch my hand against yours
Can you hold that hand?
I will be you
You just have to look at my galaxies
Be showered with all those stars
I’ll give you my world”
Case in point.
BTS’ relegated press conference is arguably the most beneficial element to emerge from the coronavirus since the recent rally on gold.
The decision to exclude the press and BTS devotees from attending the conference strikes two birds with one stone. Not only does it minimize the spread of a senseless disease, but it also reduces the chances of the coronavirus proliferating in South Korea.
Heavy sarcasm aside, it was a wise choice to livestream the press conference.
Cases of the novel coronavirus have rocked South Korea. According to data from Johns Hopkins CSSE, the infection tally in the country now exceeds 830 cases.
On top of the press conference, BTS has to replan their entire tour.
An entire armada of K-Pop acts has been forced to cancel or postpone tours as a result of the growing coronavirus threat.
It’s a good start, and perhaps one day we’ll find a cure for BTS fandom. Until then, at least we can count on the coronavirus to keep the K-pop band at bay.
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect the views of CCN.com.
This article was edited by Aaron Weaver.