In a very unwelcome instance of life imitating satire, The Onion actually predicted last month that Donald Trump would suggest using cleaning products like Lysol to cure coronavirus:
EVANSTON, WY—Throwing bottles of bleach, ammonia, and Drano into a cart at his local grocery store, area man Troy Mitchell was reportedly stocking up on one of every cleaning product he could find Wednesday in case President Donald Trump announces it is a coronavirus cure.
The dystopia we were all fearing is far worse than anything imagined by humanity’s brightest minds. It’s not a ubiquitous surveillance state, RoboCops, or Hunger Games.
The dumpster fire that is 2020 has become the most absolutely awful dystopia imaginable– one in which The Onion has taken on the prophetic powers of The Simpsons.
This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but with a whimper.
That is to say, the whimper of weary resignation as the denizens of 2020 browse The Onion in the coming weeks and behold the horrors they’ll read in The Washington Post next month.
So what is Donald Trump going to do about coronavirus next?
It doesn’t look good:
Living in a world where The Simpsons predicts the future was bearable. The show is whacked, but there’s ultimately a message of redemption and goodness in it. The writers somehow knew Donald Trump would one day be president. That’s weird, but bearable.
The Onion, on the other hand, is cutting satire about the deepest absurdities of the world. This is the apocalypse: overwhelming cascades of absurdity. During a global crisis, the president of the United States is saying things that no one can understand. That’s too much to bear.
When Donald Trump suggested injecting disinfectant to treat coronavirus Thursday, everyone was baffled. Trump has said a lot of stupid things, but this one takes the cake.
And then I see the disinfectant, where it knocks it out in a minute. In one minute. And is there a way we can do something like that? By injection inside, or almost a cleaning? Because you see it gets in the lungs and it does a tremendous number on the lungs. So it’ll be interesting to check that.
It was funny when Trump suggested nuking hurricanes. We knew the chairman of the joint chiefs of staff wouldn’t actually let that happen.
But someone out there is probably going to get very sick or even die trying to drink, inhale, or inject Lysol cleaner. Just like the couple who ingested fish tank cleaner after hearing Trump mention a related chemical as a potential coronavirus cure. The husband died.
What could Trump have possibly been thinking when he made this indecipherable utterance? What does he stand to gain from continuing his Michael Scott from The Office schtick to the utmost lengths while people are afraid? Too bad the best alternative is Joe Biden.
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