Jada Pinkett Smith said that she used shame as a parenting tool on her daughter, Willow Smith. Was she wrong in doing so?
Jada Pinkett Smith recently revealed she used shame as a parenting tool on her daughter, Willow Smith.
The actress and “Red Table Talk” host seemed almost embarrassed to admit it.
But since it isn’t “popular” amongst the new wave crowd, science proves that using shame as a tool — provided it’s used correctly — is actually much more effective than previously believed.
On a recent episode of her hit Facebook Watch talk show, “Red Table Talk,” Jada Pinkett Smith admitted that she used shame as a parenting tool on her daughter, Willow Smith. While it’s unclear whether she used the same tool on her son, Jaden, what’s clear is that she seemed embarrassed to have used the device on her daughter.
I’m like, ‘Oh my god.’ I’m like, ‘I never even saw it that way.’ But I did really try, especially in raising Willow, in trying not to put shame around her social development. You know, trying to raise a young woman and what a young woman goes through, but not recognizing how detrimental that is. Using shame as a parenting tool.
This is not the first time she’s beaten herself up over her parenting skills. Check out the video below.
While Smith’s guest, Brene Brown, said that shame shouldn’t be used as a parenting tool, other scientific studies suggest that it’s quite effective when used properly.
One of the things that’s important to remember is that shame needs to be used properly for it to be effective. While Jada Pinkett Smith suggests that she didn’t use it properly on her daughter, April Masini indicates a proper way to use it.
Shame is the feeling you get when you’ve done something wrong, and you think you should have known better. It’s derivative of guilt, and there is a place for it in parenting.
The key is to make sure the child understands that what s/he did was wrong, not that the child is fundamentally wrong. “Good people sometimes do bad things,” in other words, and the key is to strive to be better.
Sure, the “love and light” and toxic positivity crowd will lead you to believe that it’s “totes not okay.” They’re wrong. Raising children with no boundaries and structure — with no sense of right or wrong — leads to the epidemic of spoiled rotten brats that we’re seeing today.
By no means is Jada Pinkett Smith the perfect mother. No woman is. But she’s a good mother, and she should never be made to feel otherwise.
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect the views of CCN.com.