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If Drake’s Music Wasn’t Basic Enough – Check Out His Corny Mansion

Last Updated September 23, 2020 1:49 PM
Aaron Weaver
Last Updated September 23, 2020 1:49 PM
  • Drake showcased his mansion in a recent magazine article.
  • His mansion is just as bland and unoriginal as his music.
  • It looks like a shopping mall–probably to attract the type of females he courts.

While unemployment rates skyrocket and many people wonder how they’ll pay rent, Drake decided it was a great time to flaunt his wealth. The Canadian rapper showed the Architectural Digest his Toronto mansion,  and much like his music, it’s entirely unexceptional.

Drake should spend a little more time behind that piano, instead of in front of it. | Source: Instagram 

Simply put: If auto-tune were a building, it would be Drake’s house.

Drake’s Mansion Looks Like the Inside of a Shopping Mall

Drake showcased some of the pictures from the article on his Instagram page, and it’s not clear what ‘look’ he’s going for. At certain points, it captures an ‘ultimate man cave’ vibe. At other points, it gives off a ’21st-century billionaire in the city’ vibe. But all too often, it feels like Drake went to the most basic mall in all of the suburbs and said: “This is me.”

Just look at his staircase. Does that not look like the inside of a Macy’s?

Drake’s house probably smells like a Cinnabon. | Source: Instagram 

Just like his music, Drake knows a thing or two about doing the same thing over and over again. Check out his foyer; it looks like he bought it at the fanciest Target in all of the land.

Oh, look, another spikey ball. | Source: Instagram 

Of course, no mall would be complete without a Foot Locker:

Everyone leaves Drake’s house with a free pair of socks. | Source: Instagram 

His kitchen looks like it was imported straight from a catalog.

What’s for dinner tonight, Drake? Plastic apples? | Source: Instagram 

Drake’s Mansion Has Some Cool Moments, Too

Of course, just like his music, the Champagne Papi occasionally has some style and originality. I don’t know what this room is, but it looks like a fun place to sit.

Drake: “Look directly into the center and repeat ‘Drake’s house is really cool.'” | Source: Instagram 

The crown jewel of Drake’s home is this amber paradise. It’s one of the few places in his house that doesn’t feel ripped from somewhere else. Maybe he had one of his creative friends, like The Weeknd or Kendrick Lamar, design it.

Finally, a room that isn’t furnished from a catalog. | Source: Instagram 

Why Would the Champagne Papi Want to Live in a Mall?

You probably aren’t wondering why Drake’s mansion looks utterly devoid of creativity. If you listen to a few of his records, that should become abundantly clear. He sounds exactly the same on 90% of his songs. His voice isn’t fit for public consumption until it’s been drenched in auto-tune and polished by an army of sound engineers.  He doesn’t even write his own lyrics. 

But let’s forget about his lack of artistry for a moment. Why does Drake want to live in a shopping mall? Well, perhaps because that’s where he goes to pick up his lovers.

Drake has a troubling history of courting girls who aren’t old enough to vote.  The “Young Papi’ is out here trying to pick up ‘young mamis.’ It makes sense that he would try to make them feel more comfortable by designing his house for them.

Drake told the Architectural Digest:

I wanted the structure to stand firm for 100 years.

We just want your girlfriends to stand firm for 18 years before you court them.

He adds:

It will be one of the things I leave behind, so it had to be timeless and strong.

This house is neither timeless nor strong, which makes it the perfect addition to Drake’s legacy.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect the views of CCN.com.