Kelly Clarkson just dropped a fresh new single, “I Dare You,” on Thursday.
Entertainment Weekly gushed, calling the new song “powerful.” But Clarkson’s latest offering is far from powerful. Let’s keep it real. She just phoned this one in:
In a Thursday morning interview on the Today Show, Clarkson actually said she’s been working on the song for over a year. Really?
Because “I Dare You” is embarrassingly basic for a year of work.
Even Gen-Z YouTube bro Jake Paul wrote this far more interesting song, and clearly put more effort into the music video, and went from concept to release in just one day:
Yes, it’s the fourth most-disliked YouTube video of all time. It also scored 250 million views, hit number two on the U.S. iTunes chart, and was RIAA certified platinum.
All in a day’s work.
And he got all the hate because he was doing something interesting. Sure, the lyrics like “England is my city” were quirky. Ironically, Kelly Clarkson’s lyrics in her newest song don’t dare to do anything worth that kind of response.
They sound like the bland strivings of a completely clueless high school kid writing a whole lot of nothing in her spiral notebook during study hall:
There’s a wolf that preys on a world that strays so far from the garden.
And just like your own every heart you know seems cold and hardened.
You may not have the stage, but you still have a voice.
You may not have the strength, but you still have a choice.
Geez, thanks for the “uplifting” message while we’re all isolated and worried.
The lyrics are so irreducibly basic, Kelly Clarkson couldn’t even explain them on her Today Show appearance without literally repeating the actual lyrics themselves to “explain” what they mean:
It’s basically like, I dare you to love instead of fear, instead of hate. Just engage with people and engage with yourself again, and remember we’re all a human race.
Wow, what incredibly insightful contributions. Kelly Clarkson is a real philosopher. In addition to her tireless efforts to bring us this message, the music video is surprisingly weak for someone with Clarkson’s star power. It looks like a freelancer on Fiverr made it on their laptop in two hours using stock photos. It’s less than half baked.
And the international version of “I Dare You” – which features people in other countries singing the words in their own language – is a wall-to-wall cringefest.
Get out of here with this “Captain Planet” tripe.
The ridiculously-low level of effort and shameless amateurism of this song and music video scream entitlement and privilege. As does the misguided, dishonest “niceness” of a media establishment that is paradoxically inhumanly vicious every day.
Kelly Clarkson doesn’t even have to make anything good anymore. She just makes anything, and the media and her fans automatically praise it. Can people no longer think for themselves and call things like they see them?
Clarkson seems frozen in time with “I Dare You.” It’s like she just released a hidden track from “Thankful” (2003) or “Breakaway” (2004). She’s shown no progression or development of herself as an artist. That was almost two decades ago.
She’s got to do something original to merit praise from critics – and the honor that fans of truly great artists bestow on them by hating their “new stuff.”
It feels like bashing a struggling artist trying to get her first big break. Which is weird because it’s Kelly Clarkson. She needs to check herself. She’s coasting.
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect the views of CCN.com.
This article was edited by Josiah Wilmoth.