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5 Most Cringeworthy Theories for the Bitcoin Price Surge

Last Updated March 4, 2021 2:31 PM
Greg Thomson
Last Updated March 4, 2021 2:31 PM

By CCN.com: The bitcoin price moves in mysterious ways. Many theories have been put forth in an attempt to explain its meteoric rise this week. From the alignment of the contents of the solar system, to the magic touch of Justin Sun, here are the five most cringeworthy.

1. The Stars Aligned. Literally.

According to noted blockchain analyst and author David Gerard, the celestial bodies may be responsible for Bitcoin’s surge. The author of “Attack of the 50 Foot Blockchain: Bitcoin, Blockchain, Ethereum and Smart Contracts,” recently tweeted :

“The important thing about the Bitcoin price is that both Makemake and Haumea are in Libra right now. Obviously.”

I’m sure I don’t need to tell any of you that Makemake and Haumea are dwarf planets. Whenever they cross through the path of Libra, it lowers the inhibitions of cryptocurrency speculators, thus resulting in the recent Bitcoin price surge. Keep an eye out next month when Quaoar and Sedna pass through Gemini.

trans-neptunian objects
Seems like the stars have aligned for the crypto market. | Source: Wikimedia Commons

Gerard was joking, of course. But the funny thing is, he might not even be responsible for the most cringeworthy reason on this list.

2. Calvin Ayre: Scammers are Sending Investors to Bitcoin SV

Calvin Ayre popped up on Twitter this week to pump the prospects of his Bitcoin SV (BSV) project – mostly because no one else will.

According to Ayre, Bitcoin is on the precipice of a massive dump. While that may yet turn out to be true, it was the particulars of Ayre’s argument that landed him on this list.

After BSV’s recent delisting from Binance, Ayre reasons that the only coin safe from the incoming market dump is Bitcoin SV. Therefore, we should all jump ship to the “hardfork of a hardfork” before the the plunge happens. Ayre said :

“Is the current BTC price move an exit pump by all the exchange scammers…if so the only safe place to retreat too is BSV which is not promoted up and has in fact recently been down promoted with the market manipulation delist attack..and has real utility.”

This is financial advice.

3. Bitcoin Price Rise Fueled by the Death of Altcoins

Bitcoin’s price pump has sparked rigorous debate all across the internet, as people search in vain for some kind of logical explanation. One example of this was found on Reddit this week, where the debate raged on about the longevity of the altcoin market.

According to one user, u/gonzales82, the time of the altcoins has been and gone. They wrote :

“The ICO experiment is over. Nobody has delivered a compelling product. Even ethereum, as much as I like it as a science experiment, hasn’t delivered, and is now entering a risky transition into an unproven, experimental consensus algorithm. People are waking up to the realization that Bitcoin is a much larger idea than any of the blockchain phantasmagorias people have been trying to push for the last couple of years.”

There is a case to be made that faith was somewhat restored in Bitcoin after the community shunned the notion of a block reorganization. A block re-org was discussed by Binance head-honcho, Changpeng Zhao (CZ), in the wake of the Binance hack.

With multiple altcoins gaining anywhere from 100% to 1,000%  in the past few months, this idea seems unlikely for now.

4. It’s Ok Guys, We’ve Got It… TRON’s Justin Sun Saved Bitcoin!

Justin Sun
Justin Sun is the boy who saved crypto, and Bitcoin specifically. | Source: Twitter/Justin Sun

Earlier this week, TRON founder and CEO Justin Sun was in Amsterdam to speak at the TWN2019 conference. While on stage, Sun revealed that it was actually HIM who saved the cryptocurrency market and sent the Bitcoin price surging.

As reported by Chepicap , Sun told attendees at the conference:

“I definitely know I have a great impact on the community and the cryptocurrency price. When Binance got hacked the other day, the Bitcoin price dropped from $5900 to $5700. Then I posted a tweet in which I said that I would send $40 million in USDT to support Binance. And the price went back up right away.”


So for all of you out there who thought Sminem was the boy who saved crypto – you’re very much mistaken. Justin Sun is the boy who saved crypto, and Bitcoin specifically.

When asked whether he would get away with making such statements in a more regulated arena, Sun said:

“I genuinely wanted to help, because CZ is my friend. I believe in him and I believe in Binance. I don’t want people to lose confidence because only 2% of their total holdings got hacked.”

See, it’s all about friendship in the end.

5. I Sold

This silly writer sold his Bitcoin holdings last week. Of course, the Bogdanoffs immediately got on their phones and issued the immortal command: “Pump it!”

And so the price of Bitcoin soared; holders won the day, and I lost my chance at a Lambo.

Tune in next week for the “5 Most Cringeworthy Reasons for the Bitcoin Price Dump.” I’m buying.